2017 is half over, and this year has been one of the best years of my life. I am just shocked and amazed by my own healing. I have begun to share my creativity, my personality, and my love out in the world, like a dog on thin ice, but still…I’m selling art, I’m creating and teaching classes, and I am AT HOME IN MY MIND. Major progress. I’m completely amazed.
I’m growing so fast, I feel a bit like Alice In Wonderland. You know that gawky pimply kid from high school who suddenly became incredibly hot over the summer vacation? I’m changing like that. Age 37…the puberty of the soooooouuuuul. LOL!
There are two things that have contributed to the Nut Drop of My Psyche…
- I hate to admit it, but cutting gluten is the number one reason that my life doesn’t suck. I would have run over a nun for a bagel just this morning, but I can’t be functional and eat bread. Period. Accept it. No, seriously, accept it. No, Hil, I’m being serious right now. For real. You can’t have a bagel even if you run over a nun. I hate talking about the gluten-free lifestyle, and maybe it isn’t gluten at all, maybe it is gmos, and maybe it is pesticides, and am I really allergic? and if I am not allergic, what is wrong with me…bleh. Just give me a pizza, a chocolate cake, and fifteen dozen homemade chocolate chip cookies and go away. And some garlic bread.
- Selfishness. 2017 is the first year since 1998 that I took into consideration what I wanted. WHAT I WANT SUDDENLY MATTERS. My girls are pretty well settled, and instead of making every single life decision for them, I started making a couple of decisions for myself. I am getting something like an identity. Or a new identity.
∴ <-That is the math symbol for “therefore”.
I’m losing friends. I am losing friends in actual droves. Have you ever heard the expression that “Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe?” It is such an instagram sort of idiom. Can’t you just see it, with some skinny bohemian pretty girl making a peace sign kind of picture? Well, in my case, it is actually true. My vibe is changing. My tribe is vanishing.
Not only am I losing friends, but my girls are becoming independent and varying degrees of Mom-hating. My mom, who is usually my rock, has been having a hard transition into retirement, and is a bit at sixes and sevens right now. Bob is so exhausted from work and life that he can barely focus his eyes.
I probably have to go out and meet new people, which I have been doing a little bit at a time. I went to that yoga thingy, I joined an art group in Hamburg, I volunteered for the Arts Fest. I’ve been smiling at people (ghastly). I’m going to have to keep going out and actually doing social things to try find a niche (again, ghastly).
I’m going through a weird phase.
Is this like, an ACTUAL MIDLIFE CRISIS?
an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age.
Oh, shit. It might be one of those! It is kind of like middle school, when you look at all the cliques at the different lunch tables in the cafeteria, and you look at the table where you used to sit, and you are like,”Nope, I absolutely cannot sit there anymore. Now which table to I go to?”
It will all be fine.
Love and light,